Semester break blues, soylent green and they

I got dem ole semester break blues, brothers and sisters. If only I could play a banjo I’d put all my woes to music and do a video clip for your enjoyment. Trouble is, I love the blues too much to damage its wonderful reputation. Accordingly, you will be spared my questionable contribution and will just have to carry on with the likes of Taj Mahal, John Lee Hooker, Bo Diddley and other greats.

Missing school? Its funny how you spend time attending classes and doing assignments while complaining about the demands of tertiary study. I mean, isn’t it a simple case of no pain, no gain? You want that qualification, but there are so many other things you’d rather be doing. Then when the break comes around and the pressure is off, life becomes almost too mundane. You actually miss the buzz of the campus. Weird doesn’t quite cover it. Not even the knowledge that you will complete the course in November cheers you up enough to rouse you from the melancholic state into which you have fallen. Perhaps they really do put something in the canteen coffee that keeps you amenable to learning but the effects wear off during the break. I hope its not some kind of Soylent Green?

Also, have you noticed how some lecturers have the capacity to lull you into a more relaxed state that sometimes borders on sleep? Is this another sinister trick to arrest your attention? They are also talking about banning access to social media during classes. I’d like to know the evil (sorry, the real) reasons behind that? The infamous they have a lot to answer for when you think about it. They will do this or they have stopped doing it or they are out to screw you! Hardly a day goes by that somebody somewhere does not mention they in the context of being responsible for something bad. It’s about time the mysterious they were unmasked.

I suppose the next big thing will be when the results arrive? Yeh, whatever. I am beyond bored. Daytime television must be programmed by the devil or maybe a little host of devils. Who else could co-ordinate so much crap on so many channels at the same time? It aint natural my children! By the way, too bad if you don’t like football. World Cup, AFL, World Cup, AFL and on and on it goes. I actually like football but even I think its a bit too much.

You like commercials? Let’s face it, who doesn’t? Just kidding. Insurance and funerals, take your pick. ‘Real people’ looking straight down the camera and selling you insurance or funeral cover. Just great. Perks me up no end! While I am raving, how about the ads for shampoo and bath/shower lotions? Are there no girl-next-door type models who could do these ads? The message seems to be, ‘goddesses rule, okay’. Blokes have it much easier. The bar is set so much lower. There is one guy with toe nail rot whose own dog draws the line at fetching his stinky slippers. Then there are any number of slightly thick nice guys who continue to stuff up under the tolerant gaze of their children and womenfolk. However, they are much more likeable than the smug dickhead who questions his wife’s purchase of a Jeep! I mean, what sort of vehicle would he have bought? Sadly he is not the worst. For smugness the guy in the Macquarie Bank ads takes the cake. Tosser! Wanker!

I have resorted to reading books and some magazines that I have had so long they could be worth more than their cover prices. I like reading because it is a good thing for a writer to do. Gospel. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! But even this most useful occupation is fraught with difficulty. We have a haunted door bell. It rings at odd times of the day despite not having been pushed. It has been stripped down and examined by our in-house  technicians who found nuffin’. The battery has been replaced. Still no good. Some think it’s the fairies. Next stop TAPS.

Oh, have I mentioned competitions. Online competitions have flourished like mushrooms after rain. Trips, wine fridges, cars, groceries, champagne, the list goes on. But there are catches; such as, complete this survey or tell us in 25 words why…, or please complete this three page entry form. Ahhhhhh! I am convinced that the road to Hell is paved with competitions. Also what about the winners? Strange names and even stranger addresses. Who are these people?

Well, that’s probably enough for now. It seems to be coffee time. I’d better check the label and make sure it’s Soylent Green free.

They have a lot to answer for. Meantime stay cool.

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